She very calmly layed out a plan on her first divorce announcement to get our finances in order and D in a year. Upon her renig on D, she told me she expects me to leave at some point, knowing I will not be happy with her proposed partnership. She is more than detached from me...in hindsight, that is what she was doing for years going out of town with the kids when she knew I could not join them, eating dinner before I got home from work, etc. You are correct that she is cake eating.
My plan upon her divorce announcement was become the man only a fool would leave. If my W kept up the EA, then I would leave. The result would be that I am a better man, and my W would be missing out on that. With things backsliding lately, dhe likely will not miss me if I leave.
My decisions are based on a couple factors: the way my W and I used to get along, my kids having two parents...especially now when my W is off to school several nights a week, material assets...a little, and fear of the unknown if we separate/divorce.
This is truly heart breaking. You "used to like eachother?" Well, she hasn't respected you in YEARS! Your kids will still have two parents. Separate homes, two parents always. For them to see what is being modeled before them will do more harm than good with two parents in the home.
You focus here on what affect your moving out would have on HER. This is about you and your kids, buddy. How to save those people, not about your wife coming back. So what if she is detached? So what if this doesn't make her want to come home? At least you will get your balls back, an ounce of self-esteem, and your kids won't have this kind of relationship modeled for them.
Just because she won't miss you when you leave doesn't mean you still aren't a man a fool would leave. You need to be that guy for YOURSELF. Not for her. Being a man who only a food would leave does not mean doing every chore in the house and baking and feeding cake to your wife.
I pray you get out. I pray you realize you shouldn't be treated this way. let her feel the pain of not having the kids full-time. Her reality is she will have to split custody. And I think in her state, your kids would be better off in that scenario.
