I am so sorry for what happened. Right now, I am really mad at your H, he let you down again after giving you some high hope about a possible reconciliation. It's like being betrayed again.
While reading your description of your Retrouvaille week-end something crossed my mind. I have no clue if I am right or wrong, that's just an idea.
Do you think he went "aggressive" as a manner to avoid to work on his own introspection? May be in his mind, he thought that workshop was going to be a way to help him to sweep under the rug the issues and "calm you down" so he could continue to have his cake and eat it too, but when he realized he had to "follow" rules and do some deep introspection, he just panicked and went full blow, as a way to escape. What better way.. blaming you again and again to justify his past and current decisions. It seems that he still didn't get it. What is your opinion on that thought?
Somehow I am glad that you decided to take a break from having to decide if you wanted to keep filing for divorce or fighting for your M. You are back in the turmoil of that nasty roller coaster, emotions need to settle down before taking any major decisions. Actions have to prevail over reactions.
I really liked your expressions "licking my wounds", because that's what it is, you have been deeply wounded and you are right now in an Intensive Care Unit.
Once you start feel better, look at your situation and decide what you want to do next. Just keep in mind, whatever the choices you will make, there will be always pros and cons, just look at what is the best for you and the kids, what is the best for your own sanity. Also, it's not because you are making a decision one day, that you cannot amend it later on. And sometimes making decisions is forcing others to face reality and it brings changes that we were not expecting, the Domino effect...
Living without love and respect is very tough, so sometimes being alone is not easy but at least it's peaceful... Also, nobody changes unless being forced too...
Here again, those are thoughts and I am very well aware how excruciating it is to make decisions on that matter. I will support you on whatever your will decide because that your life and only you, know what you can live with or without.
Keep in mind that piecing is not easy either, it's a everyday struggle, right now I totally understand what Bluewave is going through, I feel that I am losing the love I used to have for my husband, may it's just a phase, I don't know... I really hate how the memories of the betrayal sometimes come back out of nowhere, engulf your mind and bring pain again and again.
Big hugs,
Me 52+ WH 57+ Married 20 + Piecing since 2016 (ready to give up...)
