Fighting my way out of the dark Part 5

[Holding]

I really haven't thought much about the kind of woman I'd want; I'm very busy right now and I'm happy being single for the time being. I know what I'd avoid, but other than what I'd consider to be "bad" traits, I don't have many specifics except for intelligence. Intelligence is important to me; I need to be with someone who can debate Sam Harris's seemingly misguided belief that free will is an illusion and who'd enjoy reading David Foster Wallace.

Good start! I feel like my next R will be with someone TOTALLY different from STBXW.

However, there are several people who currently post on the board whose marriages were not saved. Their advice should not be discredited on whether or not their M was save.

Very true. It wasn't my point to discredit anyone. It's just nice to see a good success story now and then.

The point (especially since she wants a reaction) is to remain very calm, show confidence and self control. Do nothing to fan the flames. IMO, it would actually be better to leave the house, rather than locking yourself in the bedroom. Maybe it would take some wind out of her. At least, maybe she would calm down and the kids wouldn't have to listen to her rage. Even if you have to get a hotel room for the night, it makes a statement that you don't have to hang around to tolerate that behavior. (And she doesn't need to know what you did when you were gone all night from home!)

Yeah, I start out very calm, but remaining calm while the assault continues is the challenge. Getting a hotel every time this happens is not in the budget, but I can leave for a while and wait until later (midnight maybe) to come back. The funny thing is, I'd already left the house for a few hours earlier that same day to escape just this scenario. Maybe an overnight stay would send a different message though.

Here's the thing. If she has always bullied\abused\manipulated you through bad behavior.....you may not be able to stop her that easily. Personally, I think men in this type of environment should stop trying to save their relationship with a bully. As with Robx, it frees him when he decides enough is enough.

Yeah, I've accepted that this thing won't be saved. She's gone for good, and this isn't healthy. I need to make it through the D process with my self respect and strength. That's my goal at this point.

Has she ever screamed and threw fits at the kids?

Oh god yes. All the time. For years.