Fighting my way out of the dark Part 5

[sandi2]

There was a board member who had posted a lot of information about emotional & mental abuse, does anyone remember who it was? My mind has drawn a blank.

Thanks for the link on Robx's thread. It's hard to tell if the guy ended up recon'ing his M or went through with the D. Do you know?

His MR had reconciled a good while before he left the board, as far as I knew. I did not know it was lost, till not so long ago when Cadet informed me......and, I don't know who wanted out of the M at the end, b\c he was gone from the board. I remember him making a huge turnover in himself when he said he decided he would not be bullied anymore. It didn't take long before his spoiled, manipulating WW started pursuing him, b\c he changed his entire approach. So, what happened at the end of their M, IDK. However, there are several people who currently post on the board whose marriages were not saved. Their advice should not be discredited on whether or not their M was save.

Back to the issue of your W screaming at you. I am reminded of something Michele said..... I may not be able to tell you what works but I can tell you what doesn't work. IMHO, if you wait till you start feeling emotional and then walk into the bedroom and lock the door....it will look weak to her. It appears to her as if you are running for cover from her.

The point (especially since she wants a reaction) is to remain very calm, show confidence and self control. Do nothing to fan the flames. IMO, it would actually be better to leave the house, rather than locking yourself in the bedroom. Maybe it would take some wind out of her. At least, maybe she would calm down and the kids wouldn't have to listen to her rage. Even if you have to get a hotel room for the night, it makes a statement that you don't have to hang around to tolerate that behavior. (And she doesn't need to know what you did when you were gone all night from home!)

Here's the thing. If she has always bullied\abused\manipulated you through bad behavior.....you may not be able to stop her that easily. Personally, I think men in this type of environment should stop trying to save their relationship with a bully. As with Robx, it frees him when he decides enough is enough.

Has she ever screamed and threw fits at the kids?