Yes, I've had a counselor since a week after BD, and LOVE her. I see her bi-weekly and have made great strides in my own healing. She is very pro-marriage (b/c she asked me the first day what I wanted, and I said to save my M, if possible, as long as it did not become detrimental to me), but has actually stepped out there and spoken up when she thought maybe I should call it. Her main focus is healing for me, regardless of my marital state or outcome of it.
The money. There are no bonds, real estate, assets, etc. I have my own teacher retirement, and for the last 3 years, he has begun his own retirement/pension. We have no children together. I have an inheritance that will come from my Mama at her death, but it will come only to me as specified in her will. So really there is only present tense money that we have to deal with, and right now he is being very generous. The minute that stops, I will file. I'm on his (very excellent) health insurance as long as we are married. I can pick up my own (retired teacher-state) if we D, but it doesn't hold a candle to his. So that's in my best interest to stay on his as long as possible.
There's nothing more a lawyer can do to protect the money that we have coming in, unless I file and ask for alimony. Since H is regularly getting raises, if I DO need to file and am lucky enough to get short term alimony (L did say I would probably get a year or so, just until I can become gainfully employed again), that will be based on what he makes now. I believe his income will continue to increase. (He is 9 years younger than me and plans to work many more years.) I can begin drawing SS at 66 yrs 6 mo. (I will turn 60 in June 2018.)
For all these reasons, I think I'm better off right now staying legally married. My day to day life will not change whether I file or not, right now. But I do believe my finances will suffer.
I'm sure I could tell my L NOT to go for the throat, but his MO/reputation is to go for all he can possibly get for me. He made that clear also when we met in January.
So that's kind of a re-cap of where I am. Please continue to read and advise/throw out thoughts as they come to you. I very much value and appreciate the views of friends on here, not to mention the legal aspect of it from both you and Own. Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees, especially when one is wandering around inside.
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
