So, the question for sandi2 is what steps or process do you recommend I follow if I want to try to restore my marriage based on my specific situation?
If you have not had a consultation visit with a lawyer, I recommend you do it ASAP. Check to see if you leaving the house could be counted by the court as abandonment, or go against you in any way. If the lawyer says it makes no difference if you leave, then I recommend you physically move and separate from her. This M is not going to get better with both of you under the same roof. Her distain for you is too great at this time. Time and distance is your only hope, IMHO.
I'm not talking about distancing yourself while living in the same house. Your situation has moved past that point of having any effect. Physically staying somewhere else and keeping away from her (not the kids) may work to calm things down.....if you stay NC. It's your last resort to save the M, as I see it.
The biggest concern is the children and the lasting affects of watching their mom chop their dad into pieces. If the lawyer says not to "move" out of the house (although she is mentally abusive), then ask if you could just spend time visiting relatives or friends.....go camping indefinitely, or some excuse to get you away from her. Is there any place you could stay, for the time being?
That's my personal recommendation, FWIW. Physical separation may possibly save the M, in time. If you remain under the same roof, there is little to zero hope. Initially, I encourage the H not to leave the home, but if he is M to an abuser....I would give him the same advice I would tell a woman who is being abused......which is to get away from the abuser.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
