coming back after a long time. I had quite a busy period both at work and privately. Plus my eye problem got worse again and I had to limit reading, especially on the screen. Now all is fine again with the eye, though busy period still continues and I can't wait for 2017 to finish (hoping 2018 will be better!).
I'm now officially divorced for about 3 weeks. The court took its time but this was just a formality anyway as we agreed on everything a few months ago. The negotiations went relatively well, my xh could not be bothered and, as usual, left all the work on me. His lawyer was not the best one (and missed the first hearing about kids arrangement) so me and my lawyer we had to step in quite a few times, rewrite the agreement (it was his lawyer's job to write it as he filed...). In short, I was pleased with how it went and with the result though they were some MLC things going on which were quite hurtful but I decided not to make too much out of it.
I never thought that we would get here. And that is why it's very surprising for me to feel relieved. But that's how I feel. I've come a long way since I fist came to this forum. Looking for hope, answers, success stories, some strengths to continue fighting for my marriage...
Well, I found my success story, though very much different from the one I was hoping for when I first came here. I remember I was so upset when the therapists were telling me that some marriages are not meant to be saved, that I should run away from my h fast and far. And while I still believe that after so many years together one should try to do the maximum to try to save the marriage, now I know that I did all I could but sometimes the best of one person is just not enough.
If I have one regret, looking back, I should have let him go when his first crisis started (but then I did not know about this forum, sadly). Now we are where we are and I am happy with the outcome. Kids and I are fine. Xh seems to be the one who is not happy but that was his choice and he will have to deal with it.
I'm adjusting to the new reality. Sometimes it feels strange to do some things alone after so many years in a couple. But it's also quite liberating. There are still a few things we do as a family but those are now limited. It's time that everyone, and especially xh, realises that things are not as they were before.
Xh is doing slightly better. Already before the summer started to be there more for the kids and seek their company more and more. He apologised to me again for what he did and said I did not deserve it. Maintains eye contact more and more when talking to me. His smile touches the eyes now too. He's still far from his usual self but I can see a progress. Though some days are better than others. He tries to talk to me more and more, mostly about his work. He changed jobs which I think helped him a bit as it's new and exciting and he feels useful again. When he's with the kids he texts me to say what they do (even though my kids are big and we are in regular contact when they are with him).
He comes to my house regularly but that is something I may need to limit at some point. Do not want to punish children so for the moment leaving it as it is but it does feel strange to me now.
I don't know what the future will bring and I would lie if I said I do not have some difficult moments; moments when I feel like I just took the easier way out, gave up etc. But most of the time I'm happy with the outcome. It may be that my health issues, and the fact that I had so little energy as a result, I had to prioritise differently. And now it's time for me to get back in shape and enter 2018 in full strenght!
