Chapter 5 - Turning over to a new page

[AndrewP]

BigyBiz - The kids are in a tough spot so don't be too hard on them for not taking sides. At one point I mentioned to my (older) kids that I had hoped that they would have at least been cheering for "team family".

They are probably hurting and confused and what you really really need to be right now is the "sane parent" while your W is off playing with the fairies. That means allowing them to find their own path through this knowing that you are there and that you are their safe place.

I'm aching to call and confront him. It worked once before.

I'd beg to differ on this. What you got was that you chased that particular OM away. And then she got a new one. There is a limitless supply of men out there depending on how far she moves down the evolutionary ladder. This isn't about him though. It's about you, her, and your family. If you've gone through the MLC forum readings, especially the stuff that Jack_3_Beans wrote - some of it directly to me - you will read that an OM and other choices that to us look like bad choices are just a symptom.

Taking a bit of a harder stance, which I do these days being perhaps in a different place than you are right now, and certainly a different one than I was 18 months ago, the crap storm you are going through was all about the choices that your W made. It's not about any particular random OM showing up and stealing her away. To be "wayward" requires choices to be made. Deliberate choices that she makes over and over again. These are not choices you can influence as she is an adult and is in charge of her own destiny.

The best you can do. The best any of us can do is to stand firm in the storm and be that safe place. Especially for our children.