Hey LH. Thanks for the counter perspective. That's what I love about this board.

What I would have wanted is the following:

1. Stay in the house and keep the family intact.
2. W not put aside her feelings, but we work through things with MC and IC and give it time.
3. If after a period of 6-12 months, things don't change, then make a decision on what to do next.

I know that in the above scenario, there would be the roommates situation for a period of time. But I would've accepted that so that the kids lives weren't jeopardized. Of course that can't go on indefinitely.

I guess my main thing is that there were other options than just straight separation that could've been explored. The S happened so fast.

I don't think we'll not have an amicable relationship when it comes to the kids, but I don't envision a friendship or any sort of relationship where I need trust and reliability.

I know that I wasn't the source of her unhappiness. We were very co-dependent. She has many unresolved issues that she never dealt with and not sure if she's working on it now. It was easy to project her unhappiness on me. Not saying I was a model husband - I know where I failed and not all of it had to do with her. I am working on those things for myself and the stuff that didn't work for me in the MR is something she has to change and put in the work if she wants recon.

I guess as I type all of this out, none of the options seem the best. I just keep coming back to what's best for the kids and I feel that this reality right now is not. I am weighing my unhappiness for their stability and if I had to endure that for a while so that life was better for them, I would've done it.

I dunno. I feel like the kids are getting $crewed in this situation and if there was a better option that would've taken their life and happiness and the first priority. The S was about W and her wants and she put everyone else on the chopping block. That selfishness is something I am not cool with.

But I take your points well and you're speaking from experience. I guess there's just no perfect scenario.

No one is coming to save you!