Awkward Situation Got Much Worse (part 3)

[sandi2]

Okay, here is the issue, Tate. You are living with a woman who has lost respect for you as a man.....and certainly as her H. Nothing is going to improve in your MR until you command respect under your own roof. You have three children watching this daily fiasco where mom beats up dad. What do you think that is teaching them about men? I know your kids mean the world to you, and how you cling to maintain their family life. However, if this outward show of disrespect is continued from your W, it will affect them and how they view the man's role in the marriage\home.

Her lack of respect for you is the underlying issue in your marriage problems. My suggestion is to choose your battles wisely, and then stand by your decision . Make sure they are based on solid reasons, and not on fleeting emotions.

You must present yourself as a strong man. She is not going to make it easy, and although you may not feel very brave inside...you can act as if you are determined.

I will use your previous situation about your W demanding that you leave the living room. IMHO, you could have presented a picture of a stronger man. You made yourself appear weaker by (1) explaining and perhaps arguing with her the reasons why you wanted to stay in the living room; (2) You gave her advice as to what she needed to do about her lack of sleep; (3) You endured her yelling at you.

If you decide to do something similar again, (1) don't act like a pi$$y woman. Don't "explain" why you are staying in the living room. (2) Don't tell her how to fix her problem. (3) Don't wander in and out of the room doing chores if you claim you want to relax in the living room. (4) Don't tolerate her yelling at you, b\c you lose all ground you gained when she gets away with screaming at you.

The real issue was not about you wanting to relax in the living room. It was about her outward show of disrespect when she demanded you leave the room. How did it end? If your kids had been observing, what life lesson (if any) would they have taken away from this scene with their parents?

I commend you for making an attempt. Everyone has to learn. If you did not have a manly role model as a child growing up, then you have much to learn. I suspect you have the nice guy syndrome. You are very passive, and standing up to your W like a confident male feels uncomfortable. Therefore, you may make mistakes as you learn and become more confident.

I hope you won't see this post as me shredding your efforts. I used it as an illustration, and hopefully, you can understand the points I attempted to make. You have a big challenge ahead, and I don't know if this M will be saved.....but you can save yourself and have a positive influence on the lives of your children.