I'm glad you sound a little more settled. It will get easier. You commented on my thread that it would be better if my H did not contact my kids. You are right about that. The kids have said it and the counselor has said it. I guess my point is that keeping someone in the kids' lives who doesn't know how to be there at the moment is not always the best thing. Let her do her thing.
Don't worry about how she is with the kids (assuming they are safe), and focus on how you are doing. Give them lots of structure and lots of support. Kids like certainty and they like knowing what their world is going to look like as much as possible.
