Gordie: MLC W with a BF...negotiating our D #12

[Gordie]

A: A couple of things on this. You wouldn't be the man who came here and fought so hard if you didn't care about this. I get it. It took me a long time of absolute no contact to get to where I didn't worry. Gordie - even though she may not think it, you know that you've been fired from this job. With that said there are a couple of things you could do - none of them being a good idea. We use a free app called Life360 that allows the kids and I to know where we are. I got it initially when it was just me and the cats and I was worried that if something happened to me that it could be days before I got help. The kids of their own free will also share their locations with me including my daughter's husband. IPhones have location tracking and Google Maps has a share my location feature. BUT - you would only feel pain knowing the details. There's a term I've read elsewhere called "pain shopping" and that store is always open. It's not quite the same, but when I disconnected from my STBX on Facebook I had a person I trust keep connected to let me know if anything significant was going on. You may want to consider having your W perhaps share her location with one or more of the older kids online. But again - it really is for the best to let this go. It will be tough, it will take time, but it's for the best.

G: thanks. I agree with you that I’ve gotta let this go. Worrying about her being taken advantage of or even murdered—as you said, I’ve been fired from this job. I think you are right that it’s going to take time.

A: I had a talk to an acquaintance of mine yesterday who it turns out cheated on his wife about 20 years ago and left her. He said that like me, he thinks of his ex has his children's mother, not his ex. The connection isn't directly with him. It's through his children and to her that way. I've noticed a lot of divorced parents seem to think that way. It's quite a mind shift but it might help with the detachment.

G: that’s helpful. One of my d friends never calls his XW by her name. It’s always the children’s mother. He has never opened up to me about what happened, but even thought it’s been years and both have remarried, there is still pain there.

A: Well - just about time for me to head off for my Saturday errands. Stay strong my friend. This ride isn't over yet.

G: as always thank you and hope you had a good weekend