Gordie: MLC W with a BF...negotiating our D #12

[Gordie]

H: Excellent job not texting back ILY.

G: I was tempted but did not.

H: And the way she just told the kids she didn't want to be married and walked out? That's the busted empathy chip you see in depression.

G: I was surprised by that but she treated it like no big deal to her. Why would it be a big deal to the kids? No emotion.

H: Well, of course she wants to live all together so that she can continue coming and going as she pleases while you do the lion's share of caring for the kids. It's a nice arrangement that suits her current MLC lifestyle. (My h treated me like an inn keeper during this part of replay.) Of course, once she has the kids 50/50 this fantasy life will not be manageable unless she has a trusty au pair on hand. Even then, the reality of day-to-day living will take over. And young kids need a whole lotta parenting. I can't see it being fun for OM2.

G: the disconnect between fantasy and reality is amazing but there’s nothing I can do to burst her bubble.

H: I found it interesting that many of the MLC wives returned from their girls gone wild nights being super sweet. My h did not do this. He avoided me. But, he would be really nice/do nice things beforehand. And so if he paid attention to the kids or took interest in something around the house I knew something was coming. And it always did. Their guilt shines through.

G: yes, extra kindness after nights out. Not sure if it is guilt or what other than weird.

H: Gordie, without looking back, what are the ages of your kids? And, do you know if OM2 has kids? Does your w want 50/50 custody?

G: ages range from elementary to high school. Yes, I have been told OM2 has kids, no idea what ages. Yes, w wants 50/50 custody.

H: I know it's insane. Keep maintaining a sense of normalcy for your kids. Act as if everything will be okay. Show them tons and tons of affection. Tell this has nothing to do with them and that they are loved. One of the many wonderful things about this board is that many Of the LBS post from the other side of this nightmare on steroids. One strong parent can pull kids through. At this point, the focus needs to be your kids and taking care of yourself.

G: thank you so much for your constant encouragement. I have no idea how you keep doing what you do. When your H was out seeing other women, why did you choose to remain married rather than divorce?