Gordie: MLC W with a BF...negotiating our D #12

[Gordie]

S: it is good that you guys have managed to tell the kids - though her manner of doing it left a lot to be desired. I think that does show that she really just doesn't have much to give right now. She can't sit with them and be there for them at the time of delivering that significant news. I hope they are doing okay, given all circumstances Gordie. I imagine they will have questions about who is going to live where, with whom and when.. If you guys haven't yet agreed how separation and parenting are going to work, I guess now is really the time.

G: we will be nesting until the house is sold as there isn’t enough money right now for two houses. This will be the most stable for the kids and will last up to a year.

S: As for your W's comment about all living together....well, really???! That sounds like fun (not!!!) I understand that you don't want to be unkind, but I still think you can kindly disabuse her of these notions which would be absolute non-starters for you. For example, I think it would be perfectly fine to say - W, when our D finalises, I'll want to move on and think about dating myself - Living together with your new BF really wouldn't work for me.

G: I made it crystal clear that this was not a possibility. However, I did say I was surprised by her comment because it was a 180 from a few months ago where she was begging me to move out (and I refused).

S: During my D, I always tried to be kind to XH - or at least pleasant and businesslike. I always had this thought in the back of my mind (and it's an awful thought really, but it was there.) If he had a car accident tomorrow, or threw himself off a bridge, could I be at peace with my part? I've always remained conscious of that, and if he were in touch at some point again, it would be my guiding principle again. I don't think that means being a pushover - it's fine to be specific about what does or doesn't work for you, and ask for what you need - and do so in a pleasant and respectful way....

G: that’s exactly what I’m trying to do. I’m sure I fail at times, but it’s the goal.

S: As others have said, you're probably in a better place than you feel you are right now. But just keep moving forwards my friend.

G: as always, thank you for the reassurances.