After these numerous posts - I certainly get the better sense of the punishment aspect. On the other hand. If that was not in place, you can bet, there would be more requests, etc.
From where I sit, it looks as if you went from being a doormat to being somewhat controlling. About the only way you have, is with her being with the kids....and that is always going to leave bad feelings.
Is she still coming over to your house on her day to be with S11, or is she taking him to her place? As I stated a long time ago, that's not a good situation for either of you.
Where would D21 keep S11 if your W needed a sitter?
It just appears as if you have a lot of control, and whether you see it or not.....you are being punitive b\c she gives up time with S11 to see the OM. I can't blame you for those feelings, but I don't see her wanting to go back to you if this continues. With that being said, don't go extreme and think you need to apologize to her.
There are few who have made as extreme 180 in themselves as you, but I can detect a little punitive tone. I think I tried to mention it once before and you got a bit defensive. It's hard to see these things in ourselves......and the outsider doesn't know everything either. So, I'm just saying to consider it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
