Thanks for the responses guys. Things have taken a turn for the worse since posting this. My w went missing and was completely unresponsive to everybody. She is still staying in a hotel every night and just drinking. She lies about where she is staying and where she is going. 5 days went by without her staying in the home at night with the kids, just returning to work during the day. I confronted her about not seeing the kids and asked for a break to get away for the night, I took her car keys and said you've got kids in there, you might have fallen out of love with me but not the kids. She launched at me and bit through my hoodie and t shirt in to my arm. I calmed her down and said she could leave. I asked why she can't be with the kids when I'm away from the house, she couldn't answer. I've strongly suspected OM but I'm not prepared to look in to it. I just don't have the energy right now. I actually think it's more of a breakdown but I'm keeping an open mind.
I feel I can't do anymore, I need to create a safe environment for myself and the kids, I pick my keys up for the new house in 1 week. I'll have to start all over again but I think it's for the best.
Just to clarify the living situation, we have a large house which she turned the back part in to a nursery, it grew and took over the whole ground floor of the house. We have no privacy in our home with 2 assistants and parents arriving/leaving all the time. She currently returns in the morning, does 12 hours then leaves for a hotel or wherever she goes, she refuses to tell me.
Today:
Ok so after the awful night last night, we spoke today, it started off ugly but calmed down and we actually got along and laughed a little. She told me that the reason she reacted so strongly last night is because she saw it as just another attempt to control her and to get her to do what I want. I can understand why she feels this way, I suppose I was trying to control her in that I wanted her to spend time with the kids, when she said no I just tried to make it happen. I have to say from my point of view I just couldn't understand why she wouldn't stay if I wasn't there, I see now that she saw this as just another attempt to control her. This now seems to match what she has been telling me about my control over her, she sees anything I do as an attempt to control her, even when it isn't. I can see how over the years between me actually being controlling and her interpreting things for being controlling could take its toll. It's hard to break down 17 years of a relationship, but there were issues in our early relationship that caused me to be this way, I'm not saying it justifies my behaviour, but I have always felt I was keeping our family together, not actually directly controlling my wife. I never stop her from doing anything she wants, but my attitude has been terrible. I feel at this point I need to look in to this issue in myself and just let go of her, this is probably the only way I can help her feel free of me, even if that means she never comes back.
