Chapter 5 - Turning over to a new page

[Rose888]

Given the additional context, I can see why you don't want to switch days. (You're right to push back on the telling not asking part.)

Oh, and I wanted to clarify about the writing it down part. That's not to show her (at least not yet). It's to help you see how often it's actually happening (studies show that people often misremember things in their favor) and whether there is a pattern, so you can decide if adjusting the schedule would solve the problem.

However, it still doesn't feel right to me to "charge" her for no shows or schedule changes by taking away additional time with her children. To go back to your original post on this issue, I can see how she feels like you are punishing her and interfering with her relationship with the boys.

In terms of the specific no show you provided details on, I would have entertained my friend at my house while the boys were there, or left them home alone with money for pizza (assuming S15 was there with S11) and gone out as planned, or hired a babysitter and gone out as planned.

Any of those options seem acceptable to me.

For sure though, she doesn't sound like a great co-parent.

Have you discussed this issue with the family therapist?

And although I think it's great you make good use of your time with the kids, a good custody arrangement would allow for those sorts of activities and trips without days owed.