W just called to inform me her sis has to be induced; and told me about the last 24 hours of her because her sis had some pregnancy issues. She ended the call just saying, I wanted to let you know. We said bye, hung up.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
After talking with the W yesterday I texted the SIL and BIL just telling them congrats; and my heart Ian with them, etc. etc.
W texted me this morning around 7:30 am saying “the baby is finally here! Waiting to meet him!” And sent two pictures.
Advice on whether or not this is something i need to respond too?
I went with “Congratulations” and left it at that. I said that because I am truely happ for them and I am still human. I could have been wrong to respond but I felt to keep the integrity I want in my life I needed to express my feelings.
You can tell me I was right or wrong. I will listen to criticism. Life is a growing experience.
Last edited by Cadet; 11/14/1704:15 AM. Reason: combine posts
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
W came back with the response: “ok then....I’m getting the hint”.
I believe she is trying to say; ok I get the hint that you don’t care because you don’t care about us anymore and you don’t want to try for us anymore.
BUT-I know not to mind read, that gets you in trouble. So; I am just going to ignore that text from her. I am going to GAL today and watch some college football with some buddies. If she wants to talk about us we can; but until she shows some action I’m going to be prepared for a S/D.
It also could be her baiting me into a fight or something.
Last edited by Cadet; 11/14/1704:16 AM. Reason: combine posts
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
Granted, I have had a couple. I am becoming so sick of this whole thing; I just want to talk to W and lay it all out and tell her how sick her action made me. And how much I want it to work, but I can only make myself into it if she is on board with all my stuff (my warnings of her after the EA/PA).
I’m fearing myself getting so distant; and seeing all my friends and their relationships getting closer...I’m just sick and want to move on with my life and my happiness. How much can one take with being in limbo??
I know I’m blanbing..but this board is the place to vent.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
Chris, here goes your W again with the texts designed to get a rise out of you. If YOU feel you want to see the baby, that's up to you and none of your W's business.
A week after my STBXW told me she had decided to get a D, my BIL and his wife had a baby. I went to the hospital to visit them and say hi. It was awkward (they didn't know yet), but I felt like it was the right thing to do, to be there for them.
Only you can say how long you're willing to live in limbo. It's a very personal decision.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
I don't know if she knows how to talk to you without manipulating and setting snares. Can you see it in the above quote? What would you have done in the past? I'll guess you would have been contacting her, apologizing and assuring her that you did not mean whatever she took it to mean......and you'd end up in a R talk. But basically, you would be dancing to her music, just the way she wants.
Recognizing these snares will help you avoid them.
Quote:
I'm fearing myself getting so distant
Not sure what you mean. Why do you fear it?
Is your W standing in your way of happiness? If so, what can you do about it?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You are both right...this text was probably meant to get a rise out of me; and yes, in the past I would have texted her back to "explain" myself and try to smooth out any negative feelings she got from my text.
I am not sure how to explain that (the distance). I guess I was just having an emotional day, b/c it was hard not to be their for the birth of my first nephew. I felt we are just growing further and further apart, and each day becomes harder to think about a reconciliation.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
Yes, that text was absolutely to get a reaction from you. If you don't play the game, they don't get to win. Good on you for not responding to it.
I totally get the distance piece you're talking about. It's okay to have an emotional day - this board knows how many i've had since BD and trying to come to grips with DB and focusing on myself.
You will grow further apart and that's okay. It's part of the process. I can honestly I don't even know who my W is now, and I am only five months post BD. The person you knew and were married to no longer exists in the larger scheme of their character.
To give you my perspective - I have completely stopped thinking about recon. If W makes serious moves and her actions, attitude, and words are aligned, I will then think about it. I think you're moving to a place where you're going to be comfortable and fine with your life without her and who you are. That place is not bad at all, infact it is very empowering.
Hang in tight! Don't worry about recon and don't play your W's game. You have everything to gain and she has everything to lose because Chris version 2.0 is someone only a fool would lose.
Think of your victories. What positives have you gained for yourself in the last few months. I just realized I lost a few pounds and I am setting up my new place for myself and my kiddos. And it is already bangin'.
Keep it up Chris! You're doing well and you've done awesome with NC and keeping it together. It's okay to have a down day or days. We all do.
