I was out of town a couple weeks ago flying out on a Sunday. WW worked a craft fair at a winery and had been drinking wine throughout the day. DD17 went 3 hours away without informing myself or WW. I was in the air at the time and got this via text using the planes WiFi. Landed and got my luggage and called WW to discuss dealing with the DD17 situation. As I was out of town, WW was going to stay with DD's while I was away. I asked if WW was at the house and she said "no...we were drinking wine all day and I didn't want to drive home after drinking so we went back to XXX and XXXX's house" (friends that WW is staying with). I called DD17 and explained that she can't just up and go 3 hours away with friends and not inform us prior.
Immediately afterwards I had the following text exchange:
Me: I feel it was irresponsible of you to have been drinking all day to the point where you couldn't drive home tonight to be with your daughters WW: I'm just tired...heading home now WW: There you go judging me WW: This is why we will not be together WW: All I wanted was your support and you turn this back on me
So throughout the week WW was firm on starting the D process. I told her "do what you feel you need to do, just let me know where I need to be and what time". I did pursue and ask her if she's sure this is what she wants to do. I also let her know that I won't stand in her way but I will only do what is asked of me no more, no less e.g. I will not expedite the divorce process.
A few days later had the following exchange:
WW: I found a mediator for $XXXX.XX should I make an appointment? WW: What do you think? Me: Up to you...Late afternoon works best for me
Tuesday this past week we agreed to switch off staying at the house on a week on week off schedule. DD's need their mother and I don't know if I can be around WW right now anyway. I may be the one who needs some space now.
WW made an appointment with a mediator for later in the week.
In MC later that day, WW went from "I don't know if we can reconcile" in the beginning to "If we divorce..." towards the end. I validated her feelings throughout the session and didn't argue or disagree.
During the session WW got very vulnerable which is significant because I've never seen her get that vulnerable during a counseling session. WW also noticed my changes(GAL activities) and said that in the past my changes have been temporary and that I only improve myself when we separate.
WW texted the following after I went to sleep:
WW: Divorce is not my first choice Me: Ok
Later that day:
WW: I canceled tomorrow (the Mediation appointment) Me: Ok
Then I sent her a text regarding finances.
She had mentioned in previous conversations a fire pit at our mutual friend's house that WW is staying at. Thursday night text exchange:
WW: I’m ordering a great fire pit...what’s the ending numbers for CC WW: Picture of fire pit Me: Nice!!! Me: Is that Jack and Jill’s? (the picture she sent me) WW: Yes WW: Can you finish the order on xxxxxx? WW: It’s awesome
While I was asleep:
WW: I wish we had the love Jack and Jill have Me: I feel we can have that same love
Last night I watched DD15 cheerlead at her HS's football game and sent two videos of DD15 to WW.
Had a brief logistical exchange with WW.
Before I went to sleep I sent a pursuing text:
Me: "The art of love is...largely the art of persistence" WW: I don’t know what the right thing to do is
Had a great session with my IC and she gave me a "Thinking Distortions" exercise for homework. So when you have a negative thought, challenge it like an attorney(shout out to 25yearsMLC) and write down a counter thought.
Me: I need to be the rock of the family and a force of stability Counter thought: I just need to be available for my DD's
GAL activities: Exercising, Guitar, Weekly lunch with Mom, studying for certification( at home or at local coffee shop), side computer project, nightly jacuzzi, church, scheduling a visit to an out of town friend in the winter, work travel.
