I understand validation to be listening to her point of view, and acknowledging that her point of view is valid. The piece that I think I might have been missing is that my point of view doesn't matter at this point.
YES!!! Like it says in DR, it takes one to tango. As unfortunate as it is, YOU are the only one dancing, LOL! Later, if and when you get to piecing, communication becomes more of a two-way road. But at this stage it's all one way- her communicating to you and you validating back. Your point of view is not on her radar right now.
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I can see where she thinks this, and yes, she is in a corner, but I think this is revisionist thinking on her part. I didn't put her in this corner; she did. And that's kind of what is so hard for me to wrap my head around.
I understand, and in looking back at what I posted to you I don't think I was clear on this but I was not so much accusing you of making all those mistakes, I was saying that that is her PERCEPTION of what you are doing. She's got goggles on that only let her see you in a bad light, whatever you do receives a negative interpretation.
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Part of my issue is that I don't see how I look after my emotional and financial interests in a divorce, but still entice her to return.
Well you have to protect yourself, but both sides in a D want to be "made whole" and neither side ever is. So there's often anger and resentment over that. But plenty of couples have reconciled after D, so try not to worry too much about how it affects your chances. As Cadet is fond of saying, D is just a piece of paper, it doesn't really change your sitch. And in fact it's often the road to emotional recovery for the WAS because they start to realize their issues are internal and not completely caused by the LBS. I'm not saying to push D through, but if she does then roll with it as best you can.
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Again, thank you for your time and insights.
You are quite welcome, and kudos to you for taking the 2x4's to heart!
