First you both need to realize there are deep-seated reasons you ended up here, and you cannot work through them effectively on your own. Just as you needed a lot of help to get through the DB'ing phase, you need help getting through piecing too. Look for a solutions-based MC, I think Michele has a list of resources on her web site. Also check into Retrouvaille, it is fantastic for teaching communications skills, very important in piecing.
You're not "not piecing" one day and "piecing" the next, so you can't really put a date on it. But I think if you're both getting help and both remain on board with working on the M consistently over a few weeks or a month, that's when you can be secure that you're firmly in the piecing stage.
