Learning, Growing, Healing

[25yearsmlc]

Well its been awhile, finally some things to update for me.


I received a text last Friday from the MLCr "Check your email please"... this has been her usual contact method, like she wants to record all non-S10 logistic issues on email. I read the email and its asking me to look into putting S10 on my medical as "Unfortunately my position at CompanyX has been terminated effective immediately" (Side note since her crisis started 2011-2012ish this is job #6 she has gone through after being at the same company 13 years)
Thoughts on this for me range all over the place. This was another 'dream job' for her but I also know it was more than she could handle.


well, if it was more than she could handle, that's kind of "it". KWIM? No point in staring at that deal but DO get your son coverage asap. COBRA is insanely expensive.

Was a very well paying job to which I had/have reservations on how that affects the D process (more on that later) I can not help but wonder how that karma bus seems to make frequent stops in her direction, but its all seems to be reality checks with the never ending quest for happiness.

unfortunately it's her puzzle to solve. You can't hover over her shoulder to tell her which piece goes where.


As I was told (by her lawyer of all people) she was at Level 7 but really only equipped for Level 6 type work so this was just something she was not able to perform at and was to much for her.

the L told you this b/c it affects her income - and that affects YOU, as you have guessed.

But the reality sounds like this is just true. So, no point in freaking out about it, at least she'll be employed again soon (from the sounds of it. While having a lot of jobs in a short time CAN sound bad, it also sounds like employability to me!) Maybe that's the L in me, though.


Now the timing on this is suspect but out of my control and like everything else probably to late in the grand scheme of things from the advice I have received this week as it pertains to the Divorce process.

well, her position was eliminated right? Or Do you think the employer did this deliberately? Or are you saying she lost the job on purpose? Because she has lost other jobs recently so I'm not sure - well - very hard to prove anyhow.

Don't get sucked down the rabbit hole.

So as I mention I received that nugget Friday, yesterday (Wednesday) was another court date. This one basically telling the judge we can not agree on terms so its simply to set a mandatory mediation date. I arrive early as in my character, no one is there at the time of the hearing, Judge asks me and I had no idea where MLCr or Lawyer is .... he pushes another case infront of mine during which her lawyer arrives, its a quick 5 minutes and we are done.

As typical the lawyer likes to negotiate after these hearing and feel me out, this round was no different with the exception she seems to be getting frustrated with me and my reluctance to jump at any offer she presents.

Have you countered with an offer of your own?

She started twisting numbers and showing me how MLCrs current situation impacts things (seen that coming), then she tossed in a few other issues which I was not willing to accept (controlling type issues from MLCr where I can live, motorcycle, movies S10 and I watch together, alcohol ... which is funny as I only drink the nights I DJ, and never at home ... maybe one social event a year (her father was an alcoholic so I am guessing projection here) After I refuse to budge she then throws out this nugget. "Good thing California is a no fault state, MLCr has tols me how you parade women around in front of her and all the sexting you carry on"

Okay I'm laughing too. "Yeah GOOD THING!! What about how close Harvey Weinstein and I are??"


FWIW, my h has distorted our marital history beyond recognition. I mean that literally. When I saw the 25 page pleading (in a no fault state!) I swear to you that I had to flip to the back page to check for his signature.

I did not think it was OUR marriage in the pleadings. Jobs I "refused" that never, ever happened. I did not turn down a job the entire time we were married, with the one exception being a job I "refused" b/c H wanted to move to the west coast!

There were nasty jibes and the irony is that it was ALL legally irrelevant so it was all gratuitous.

I did not reply to any of it. It's a public record and for the life of me, I'm not 100% certain why his L would include it. Good grief.

So, join the club. IF a general "Denies all" is sufficient just do that and save your money - assuming it's irrelevant for financial purposes.

I mean, I could have sat on my butt eating bon bons & watching movies all day for years, and at this point it would not matter in court b/c I'm 57 and have a huge gap in my work history which my MD h does not have.

His resume is pristine. (you're welcome, h). I filed where we lived, and it's a no fault state. This angered h b/c I assume the division of assets is better for me?

Good thing for H though, since he cheated and where HE lives, it's called adultery.

Oh well



I actually laughed at that one and asked her to please send me those documents as I would be very interested in all that activity... I sure hope those women are hot. SMH, not sure if the L was lying to get something out of me or if that came from MLCr

My guess is that some form of this came from your wife. I'm a lawyer so this divorce is the first time I've ever been the client.

I'm very, very sorry to say, I'm underwhelmed with my profession. For some reason h's lawyer passes ugly irrelevant comments on to mine, and she passes them on to me. I told her not to bother unless it's legally relevant. (One was that h "would rather be a pauper than pay me a cent". After 35 years of marriage, really?? And what's the point on that, to show me he'll fight??? Okay I guess we have no choice. Trial time!)

H is still my kids' dad and I don't need to know all the latest "Sh1t" he says, to be honest. It hurts my feelings and it does NOT make me want to settle much. So why counter in a public document? These things are not that easy to seal from what I understand.

So either your w intimated this, made it up wholly, or her L was willing to probe on false grounds. Very Hard for me to believe that her L would make it up, but frankly, I'm not as sure as I would have been a year ago.

IF the lawyer blurted that out on their own, it's very odd. Also -bear in mind that your w may blame her lawyer for anything that does not work out well for HER. Don't just assume that is true. Lawyers CAN make things worse but usually, (I hope) it's based on what a client tells them.

Even So, it's unprofessional of the L to say that if you were unrepresented at the time. And if your L was there, let them speak for you. For future reference, try not to respond to the wife's lawyer . It cannot help you. I repeat that for emphasis, your unofficial words to her lawyer cannot help you. If needed, a simple "that's not true" is sufficient. No rhetorical sarcasm - though I share the tendency with you.

Wife's lawyer can take your words and NOT help you with them. You cannot be helped by responding to your w's lawyer without your L present.
Sorry. And Sheesh.


Getting out of court fairly early I decided to go pick up S10 vs going back to work for a few hours, its been wicked hot here... 3 digit hot and on the coast its just unheard of for this time of year, so we opt'd to go to the movies and sit in a cool theater and sip on a cold drink letting the heat pass over till later in the evening.

During which S10 tells me MLC asked about how I was and asked S10 if I ever ask about her which struck him as strange

how do you know it struck him as strange? just curious and you can act as if it's not strange, since you are his parents. And let's face it, it's not really strange. It was unexpected but We would all like to know what our spouse's are thinking.


(had to say it gave me pause but then I quickly shrugged it off as its just one of those things I think they go through). He is not aware she lost her job and I have taken the position its not my story to tell.

Correct; it's hers to tell. Oh and you are right not to read into her question.

(And yes - God knows it's much easier said than done!).

maybe Remind yourself that IF IF IF she ever has a seismic change inside

and wants to reconcile AND tells you, then let's cross that bridge then. I spent enough time inside my h's head and getting nowhere, to pass that advice on to you.

Projecting a calm life and inner peace, and being the rock for your son, is the best you can do and it's the healthy way to live.