Lost in Austin Pt 2

[25yearsmlc]

[quote=JDub]Quick update...W is, at present, very into our relationship. She has been happy while she's with me, and based on the volume of texts I receive, wanting to be with me when she's apart from me. She's been understanding when I get irritated or stressed out. We've even had sex and been able to talk about it.

^^^

I've continued to be mellow and easy going and providing few opinions on things like decor and stuff that means a lot to her...and it's actually a lot easier to just not care.


Yes it's harder to care b/c it triggers effort. (Don't take that the wrong way, just saying).

In the large home we had, I worked very hard painting and decorating. I painted 9 rooms myself over about 3 months. Years later, H painted the wall of one room, and asked me if I "noticed anything" so I had to heap praise on him. At the time it amused me (and troubled me a bit too), that he needed accolades for doing a fraction of what I had, but it meant something to me that he made any effort.

When he complimented my choices OR offered his opinion, it mattered b/c that's what team mates do in their home. It's not the wife's home, it's the family home. And decorating it so that the family would enjoy it and feel some pride in it, was an expression of my love for them. An "acts of service" love language, actually.

Anyhow, just thought I'd chime in on this b/c you said it's easier not to care. Yes it is.
Helps for it to be appreciated.


The way she says "I love you" is very different than before. It's proactive on her part, and she seems genuinely grateful for me being in her life.

6 weeks ago she was talking adamantly and with full certainty about divorce. This seems like a very sudden change after literally years of stress and anxiety on both of our parts.


it is a sudden change. And so far, not long lived. So you're wise to be cautious but don't be a wet blanket either. After all, your changes are relatively new & somewhat sudden as well, correct?
In theory, Could she make the same case for not trusting your changes?

Notwithstanding all this, your w spent time with her dad, in his new retirement home. That's a milestone in life. Who knows what that triggered?

Try to enjoy it. Excess scrutiny is one of the things I think you wanted to work on, not over thinking, etc.

And it can put a cloud on things that could, instead, be enjoyed. God knows, life is short. Embrace the gifts you get.