Lost on how to save my marriage! 4

[joejoe1]

First, I want to say thanks for all the advice from, AS, Sandi, 25, TxHubby, Holding, J9, M, and many others.

Second, this is the beginning of a new journey, my wife and I have a lot of work to do. I have a lot of issues to ensure I constantly deal with and don't regress.

Third, I want to come back and give as much advice about what I did in my Sitch and what's going on in my Sitch, so I can be a testimony for others. Also, I don't want others to think it's over when there S tells them they want to be in the M. From reading other posts, I realize that the hard work begins now.

Fourth, at first I was trying to take the words each vet told me literally, but I started to realize that I have to learn to applied what worked for my Sitch, essentially trying different things, testing them out and seeing if it worked (To be honest I was scared to try a few things, because I thought I might make my Sitch worst, but what's worst then losing your family is what I told myself). It's no right way or specific information to fit any Sitch. Each S is different and need their own approach. The concepts to be applied are the same, but the way they are applied and what concept will work, will only be known by the LBS.

The hardest thing for me was truly understanding the concepts being presented here on the forum, the second hardest thing was the application. The third was understanding the results. Learning, what detachment, 180s, GAL, and distancing can become confusing, so constant refreshing and asking question from the Vets help and still do help. Detachment and distancing takes the longest to understand IMO. AS, constantly gave me 2X4s on detaching and doing it with love, and I can't think him enough for that.

First, try your best to fully understand the concepts that we are applying, watch the application to see its effects, and remember if the results were good or bad. Only the LBH know if they are good or bad.

Doing my convo yesterday with my wife, she gave me more information that fits with what Sandi has told us about WW.

My wife words from yesterday:

She told me she was really reckless this summer and she had to wake up. She told me she didn't know what had come over her the last three weeks, but she just started to feel her heart open up for me. And her feeling herself come back to herself. She slowly started coming out the place where she was at. One reason for that, was because of the changes she saw in me. The changes she saw start to help her see her way out. She said if I would of not changed no telling where she would be or at the this point our M.

She told me, essentially, not exact words, that she saw me as the better man. Hence making myself a person only a fool would leave.

She also told me she felt really dirty and spoiled, (I wondered if she was on this board or maybe another one, because of some of the stuff she has said). And that makes her not really want to touch me or me touch her. But last night, she laid in my chest while we watch Netflix (The Iron Fist, a good show). She also told me she was sorry again and gave me a hug.

I don't know how, but I never got angry or resentful with my W (I know how, through GODS grace), but I did get fed up. In my heart I also know the night when I gave her two choices, (either she could leave and do what she want with OM or stay and stop what she was doing) and I meant it and she could see it in my eyes and face, it had some impact, I don't know how much but it did. I didn't stop her, I didn't beg her to stop talking to him, I didn't plead, I just wanted her gone. I might fine out later on if it had impact from her and if I do, I will def come back and post it here.

Thanks, Jim, Holding, 25, and Sandi for the new info, Sandi, thanks for telling me not moving to fast and trying to get in all my questions in one night.