I haven't been on the boards in some time to update my sitch, but I have been reading along in yours.
I just wanted to pop in and say that I am sorry you are having some sad days I totally get it and I totally understand how you feel.
Please know that you are not alone in all of this. What you are describing is exactly how I felt.....and still do at times, just not as often. I tried to figure out what it was that I did to make all of this happen.....but I finally figured out that it wasn't me at all. And recently H told me that none of this was about anything that I did.....it was all him.
During the time when H and I were not communicating was the worst for me. My thoughts would run crazy!! And when I would speak to him, my emotions would do the same thing. At the time I didn't think what I was saying, feeling, doing or how I was reacting was wrong, but looking back now I did have expectations of him, I just didn't want to admit it. And when he didn't say, react or do what I expected.....watch out!!! Looking back on that time I wouldn't have wanted to have been around me either
I know it is hard to feel like you are the one who has to do all the right things, and say all the right things and to be the one who is doing everything with love in your heart, when you weren't the one who caused the separation. But like all the others have said, you need to dig deep inside and figure out what makes you happy and don't spend time on trying to figure H out. Don't change who you are to please H (I don't think you are doing that, but I'm sure it feels that way).
The hardest thing for me was the time between our communication. I didn't understand why he didn't want to see or speak to me. But it wasn't me, it was him that needed to figure all of that out. It was hard, but I had to step away from him. And finally I did that and it was the best thing I ever did FOR ME.
Just be you.....and there is no question in my mind that you are someone GREAT
I FINALLY got it recently and dropped the rope.....best thing I ever did.
I totally get it and I totally understand how you feel. 
