“Detachment - the state of being objective or aloof. “He felt a sense of detachment from what was going on" synonyms: objectivity, dispassion, dispassionateness, disinterest, indifference, aloofness, remoteness, distance, open-mindedness, neutrality, lack of bias, lack of prejudice, impartiality, fairness, fair-mindedness, equitability, even-handedness, unselfishness "as an anthropologist you look on everything with detachment"
"Letting Go" * To "let go" does not mean to stop caring; it means I can't do it for someone else. * To "let go" is not to cut myself off; it's the realization I can't control another. * To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences. * To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. * To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another; it's to make the most of myself. * To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about. * To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive. * To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. * To "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies. * To "let go" is not to be protective; it's to permit another to face reality. * To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept. * To "let go" is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them. * To "let go" is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be. * To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it. * To "let go" is to not regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. * To "let go" is to fear less and love myself more.
^^^^^^ is part of the detachment thread, I don’t see detachment as black or white but shades of grey it’s not attached or detached its being smart, I’m NOT trying to convince anybody that I’m detached from my WW I DON’T WANT TO BE! What I do want to get across is that having some “smart” contact can be beneficial IMO.
It’s suggested that separation is NOT detachment see the above definition (remoteness, distance), separation also allows the WS to affect their own destinies and to permit another to face reality < I didn’t write this see above!!!
I’m unashamedly standing for my MR and working towards a point where RC could be presented BUT based on a modified version of DR’ing and other principles not outlined here on these boards, I appreciate constructive advice of course BUT take offence to views that are based on my limited ability to describe my situation “reeks of pursuit” based on what? The ONE time I fell from grace regarding Christmas day… Detachment isn’t about physical separation but mental < I’m sorry I care about my WW but that doesn’t mean I’m pursuing or mind-reading or romanticizing the A as I keep saying MANY TIMES I’m working on me, moving on with my life as it’s the only thing I can do and just enjoy as best I can in my situation.
I WHOLEHEARTEDLY DISAGREE EVERYBODY WHOS WORKING TOWARDS RC HAS TOTALLY DETACHED FROM THEIR WS IT’S JUST NOT POSSIBLE, if it were then RC would not there would have to be some emotional connection.
Kaizen –
“Mark - Do you have a list of goals? < Yes posted way back BUT constantly changing.
You say things like "this is my boundary" and that’s fine but I’m curious if keeping that/those as boundaries are helping you to achieve your goals. < My goals are based on where I feel I fell down in our MR, not showing enough affection, emotional support and distance, MNGS. Funnily enough none of these issues would be benefitted by detachment…
Which is more important to you - to hold a boundary or to meet your goals?” < I feel my boundaries have aided me immensely by keeping my sanity and regaining some of my respect back from WW so they are important to keep in place and never compromise their adherence, my goals are not as important but non-the-less important for my next chapter wherever that may be. I have less pressure regarding my goals I find these hard to measure but time is a factor, keeping my boundaries is monitored “minute by minute” and as such stays very relevant.
Thanks.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
