Now you are going to start growing by leaps & bounds, if you'll stick with it. Know why? B\c you are opening up and looking at that part no person wants to see in themselves. It takes a lot of courage to admit the things you have posted about yourself. That is the first step, to climb off that old false pride and look at the ugly truth. How can we hope to improve if we cannot see our wrong?
You will practically start from scratch and create a new man. But oh my! How could you lose? . I want to encourage you as much as I know how......b\c I get excited when I read this update and how honest you are being. I hope you can put aside one hour per day as a study time to learn more about what women want, need, feel, and how they think about a few things.....mostly marriage, sex, and the H's role. There are so many great books that reveal these things, it would be crazy not to take advantage and read them. I think I have already suggested reading about the five love languages.
Quote:
She noticed I had smoked a cigarette. I told her I had stopped. I lied at first about it and she got really upset
She was probably concerned you were slipping back into an old habit. IMHO, the best way to respond is to say something like, "I apologize for lying about it, Honey. I didn't want to disappoint you, but I realize lying made it worse". It's hard for some people to simply say, "I'm sorry".
I am so glad she apologized for the affair. It's a step in the right direction. That, and her saying she was trying to work on the M.
Both of you have a lot of hard work ahead. Take it day by day, or you will wear out quickly. Both of you will go through different emotions along the way. This is normal.
I hope both of you will get professional therapy.
If I may offer one more piece of advice, it is to practice good timing. Don't try to cover more than one subject in personal or touchy conversations. Don't talk too long about it. Don't have talks late at night, when tired, upset, etc. If her mood is not good, step back and don't engage in a talk. Okay?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
. I want to encourage you as much as I know how......b\c I get excited when I read this update and how honest you are being. I hope you can put aside one hour per day as a study time to learn more about what women want, need, feel, and how they think about a few things.....mostly marriage, sex, and the H's role. There are so many great books that reveal these things, it would be crazy not to take advantage and read them. I think I have already suggested reading about the five love languages. 
