First of all, don't listen to Doodler. Cake is one of the food groups, I just looked it up earlier today to make sure.
Originally Posted By: Holding
I've been thinking about things a lot lately, especially whether the MR is worth saving.
Well that's a good sign, you're coming out of the fog. But here's the thing- you can't save your M, it's gone, it's history. And so is the W you knew. She's gone, replaced by this person you barely recognize. So here's the question you really need to ask yourself- "do I want a new R and maybe M with this new person that I barely know?" That was a very bitter pill for me to swallow. I kept thinking my old W was in there somewhere and would come back. Maybe she will some day, but I'm 5 years post BD and the person she is now only bears a passing resemblance to the person I was with for 25 years. And this new person? I have no attraction to her and no interest in her. I would not marry this woman in a million years. Had she been like this 25 years ago I never would have given her a second look. I think all LBSs eventually come out of the fog and come to a similar realization.
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I'm back to strict NC with STBXW, except for kids and finances. I'm going to shut down any R talks as soon as they start.
Good!
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This past weekend I drove past a place we used to rent (I happened to be driving by, it's not something I sought out). This triggered a very cathartic screaming session driving on the freeway. In fact, I screamed so loud that I felt lightheaded afterwards. I need to watch that.
Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes you've just got to vent the poison out. Well, except you don't want to pass out and crash
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Something I came across in the NGS literature is the concept of a special woman being the icing on my cake. It's my job to build an awesome life by myself - that's the cake. A female partner should only ever be the icing. If I lose that icing, I still have the cake. I see how in my M I tried to make my STBXW the cake itself.
Perfect. Now you're seeing who has the power in your life
