We obviously both want our boys waking up with us on the day but they can’t be in two places at the same time, I basically said that I wouldn’t budge from my position but would personally prefer us ALL waking up together on Christmas day but said we are where we are and need to deal with it.
I don't know that it was a setback because you didn't say anything your W doesn't already know, but I think it shows a lack of your own personal progress. I think you're stuck, and you need to get unstuck.
Regarding Christmas arrangements, this is the hardest part about S and D I think. When I was a kid and my parents got divorced, Christmas went from being the most awesome thing ever to being super awkward and painful. It lost all of the magic. When XW and I separated, we discussed Christmas at length and decided the best thing for the kids was to set our differences aside and get together Christmas morning to open presents. We still do that. We'll hang around a few hours and usually have lunch together and then split off again. Her BF and my GF are not part of that, we each have our separate gift exchanges with them. It's certainly not something that would work for everyone as some WAS's and MLCers are just on another planet. But it has worked for us and helped to lessen the blow of D to the kids.
But regardless of what you decide, you've got to learn to negotiate with your W. You're no longer a family and you need to accept that, and be willing to give as well as take on holidays. Tell her what you want, listen to what she wants, and if those don't align then try to come up with an equitable solution.
Quote:
Deep down I feel that the detaching I’ve been doing has just been blown away
Please understand this- you've never detached. You have a deathgrip on the rope. You're squeezing it so tight your hands are turning purple. You try and hide it behind your back and tell us and yourself that you've dropped it, but you're not fooling anyone. Understanding that simple truth might be your first step in actually dropping the rope some day.
