Exactly what Andrew said. First of all, it is not necessarily anything you did. It's him, not you.

You need to become happy with who you are. not change yourself to fit into the mold of what your ex wants. You can be completely ok with yourself, a wonderful person, and still not be "right" for someone else.

I took lessons from this about myself without changing who I am to fit into someone else's mold. I can be passive aggressive because I am afraid to be direct sometimes. I let my resentment get the best of me until I blew up about something. I have worked on that. I used to be very steadfast on my opinions and morals but now I take a real effort to see the other side of an argument.

Those changes I made above are for ME. Not so I could fit into someone else's mold.

He told you this nothing that you have done. And why would you want to give up gardening? It's something you love, and you shouldn't have to give it up to keep your H.

Sotto is right, you are in bargaining now. And the acceptance is the painful part. Acceptance that you cannot make him communicate. Acceptance he is not going to be who you want him to be. Because you feel like it is a reflection of you. It's time to really drop the rope. To stop trying to get him to commit to communicating or expecting him do anything "husbandly" like helping you around the house. You are keeping this string attached. He needs to go find his own way, and you, your own.