Limerence and My Situation 5

[Parkema]

Thanks All,

I’m kicking myself I really am but I'll explain why I don't see it as bad as most feel it is!

To be honest this is the first time I’ve mentioned anything about how I feel regarding our R, as you’ll see throughout my posts I’ve NEVER mentioned or had conversations regarding the A or her AP/LO it’s one of my boundaries that I’m adamant in sticking by.

25 – “Because she must be a great catch for you to still pine for her and want her back in a heartbeat” yes she is!
“She’s further down the road than you realize. (But to be fair, she had a head start.)
What do you mean by this ^^^^^^^^^^?

Kaizen - “What are you going to do to 'deal with it' in this instance?” I’m steadfast in my decision, I will have my boys on Christmas eve/Christmas morning. I have created a plan for us both and do try to accommodate when it comes to the kids as this works both ways.
Obviously we rotate yearly the key days as it happens the “rota” suggests me this year.

Leahsue/Btrow – Again this is the FIRST TIME I’ve got anywhere close to pursuing her it won’t happen again any time soon.

There are a number of different views on how to handle a WW, I tend to lean on Sandi (been there and lived the life of a WW) the DR book is limited regarding ongoing A’s and favors WAS’s or piecing more.

For me I’m now more focused on my shortfalls regarding R/MR matters with the following I feel I need to work on:
1. DR’ing although modified is a given.
2. MNGS – I would suggest MOST BH’s on this site are or could be classed as MNG’s if presented with a WW.

BEFORE YOU ALL HIT ME WITH YOUR 2x4’s….

3. Loving detachment - < this is basic MWD, detachment is meant to I'm lead to believe help the LBS to maintain a sense of control and have the ability to step back from the madness of the A, where I have issues with it is that part of our problem was possibly a lack of affection and support towards my WW!
I intend to allow her all the space she needs to work through her issues BUT when SHE WANTS TO ENGAGE WITH ME let her know I’m here to listen (please remember the boundary above) and validate.

4. Creating a safe place – again I’m ducking when I type this! Statistically 95% of extramarital affairs end within 2-years (possibly 3-years now) I can go on and on about statistics and you’ll all tell me they mean very little I say “horses for courses”, continuing to show my WW WHEN SHE ENGAGES a place where she can continue to come to and won’t be berated (again see above boundary) will keep some investment in the MR IF AND WHEN her A comes to an end.

I’m fully aware and am NOT stupid enough to know this is not a guarantee BUT I feel is better to work on than biased opinion.
As I type this the site has 65 people viewing the newcomers section as such I feel as much as I rely on everybody’s input it is still limited (not attacking anyone here), maybe someone should start a thread on statistics found on these boards!

Now knowing the above you can see why I feel letting my WW know I’m still invested in the MR isn’t a massive set-back but still is not something I’m going to do again moving forwards.

Sandi – RC, Bluwave – RC, 25yearsmlc – RC, Rose888 – RC. < isn’t this strange that all I could find in the short time I looked on the boards is these people RC’ed (although possibly did face BD again). They’re all female… Statistically speaking the male is more in favor of RC with the female “checked out” of the MR. I work on facts and figures and I base my beliefs on them, don’t castrate me for using fact over opinion. If you want to respond than please let the board know if you are/have RC or are filing (again time is prevalent here as MOST LBS file TOO SOON) < does this allow for RC and does this cloud the statistics..?

Am I relying on the AP/LO to go back to his LBS..? No I work on me and my boys and leave them to their own devices UNTIL I’m approached by my WW for support that’s what H’s do...

I can’t control anything within the A, I can’t control WW or AP/LO all I control is me and me is my focus.

Let the barrage begin.

Mark.