Coly, I think you are searching for something that doesn't exist. I don't think there is any question that he is in an MLC. That he is nice and comes over when you invite him doesn't detract from that. There is no reason why he did this to you. This is about him.
Mine said he he had to leave for the dumbest reasons that change all the time.
He left for the same reason yours did. He left because he is broken inside. He is depressed.
Yours tries to reconnect via D (remember the order?) but he can't get in there.
He accepts your invitations and it starts well and then ...
25 keeps quoting something about constant wondering is constant suffering. That makes so much sense. You have to let go of the need to know why. Stop thinking you will fix something in you and he will come back.
Mine does not communicate with me directly. He does it through the kids or through money. He sends me business emails and then drops the subject as soon as I respond. He still has stuff here. He is circling back in again. It is very annoying. It is annoying because I don't care anymore. I don't need him and I don't want him.
There is no point in your D telling him how she feels, just like there is no point in you telling him the same.
I think for you N/C for a prolonged period of time would be very helpful. I think it would help you detach, it would help with your anger, I think it would help with your need to know why, and I think he needs the silence.
Of course if he contacted you, I would respond in a non-emotional way. D is a big girl. She gets to make her own choices. Sounds like she has a lot going on with bio dad in the picture. Maybe that will soften her feelings for the man that was there for her. If she could forgive one, it stands to reason she can forgive the other.
I still think there is so much hope for you and for him. But for your own pain and so you don't snap at him again, I think you need a big break and a lot of self care. For me, stepping back and finding the interior me again has been a huge help in letting go.
