You admitted to your codependency in not even knowing how to make a decision without it relating your wife's actions or feelings. Take some time on your own to learn this.
If you don't know if you want the divorce to go forward or backwards why would you be dating other women? Because it feels good? Will it feel good for these women when you are from emotionally ready to be dating?
Date yourself for a while. focus on your S and yourself. You are going through a complicated emotional time. Do you really need anything else in the mix?
I am not one of those people who think you should wait a year after divorce to begin to date. You should date when you KNOW your M is over, you are in a personal healthy space, and you are ready to be a good partner to someone else. Is that where you are now? I don't think so according to your postings.
I don't thin you understand detaching. Deatching isn't "ignoring" or " not caring" your ability to detach is mutually exclusive from being around other women.
Detaching is not attaching your actions and feelings to that of someone elses.
I think you really need to handle what's in front of you before you try handing a relationship outside of your M.
