You should not ask her what she wants. She already knows you want(ed) to save the M. You already know that she doesn't want to save the M, at least not RIGHT NOW. What is there to talk about?
This is about what YOU want. If you do not want to be divorced, then don't push it forward. If you DO want to be divorced, then tell her you need a response by XX date and if she doesn't respond, then tell your L to go ahead and file and have your W served. Your agreed divorce will turn into a contested one, but it will be moving forward.
I come back to this:
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Keep the D moving if that's what you want. While that's moving forward, be "done" with her if that's what you want or stand for your M if that's what you want. Whatever you do, though, commit to it and STOP WORRYING ABOUT HER AND WHAT SHE'S DOING! You'll never find any kind of peace unless you do.
Unless and until you accept that there's NOTHING you can do to control what she does, and live for YOU and your kid, you're going to keep hurting, going to keep spinning, and you won't ever move closer to something better than the hell you're in right now.
This isn't about her. It's about you (and your son). Stop making it about her, decide what it is YOU want, figure out what your timeline for that is, and do the best you can to achieve your goals.
she's living with her sister, not in her own place. She only gets s14 half time.
Tread, I know you're in pain. But please tell me how this^^ is so great for her?
Couldn't she say -
"I can't live in my own home. I had to move into my sister's! And I only get to see s14 half time. The holidays are coming. This stinks."
I don't see too much cake eating. I do see indecision on her end & limbo on yours.
And that is really the issue, isn't it? You want certainty where there is none, unless you push for it.
So Now it's all Up to you, not her.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25 makes a good point, one that I have drilling in your head forever. You have control and you can make choices. Stop leaving it all in your W's court. You make too many decisions based on her actions and what she might be thinking. Try making them based on what is right for you regardless of what your W's life looks like or how she is feeling or thinking.
Actually W and her sister ended up renting a 2 bedroom home together. SIL gave up on her plans to move to Florida, clearly after being manipulated by her own sister. Never occurred to any of them to get a 3rd bedroom for when S14 stays there. But one of W complaints to me was wanting to be by herself. Now she is stuck with her Parrott if a sister who ahe treats like a child. And spending all kinds of time with my abusive MIL. But yet this is better than being with our family?
But you right about me wanting certainty. I work with really dysfunctional families on a daily basis. Which only makes me want to ensure that my own life is in order. Easy to see how out of control things can get. Whereas my W comes from a dysfunctional family, so this is all normal to her.
What you are saying that definitely starting to set in. Just used to us making decisions as a team. But I do need to start making decisions solely in the best interest of myself and S14.
That is the tough part. I want this to come to some kind of conclusion. But I have this feeling that my being impatient might be dying the chamce of reconciliation taking place at some point. But on another note, I do need to move on and focus on myself. And that is difficult with a WW doing her own thing with whoever. And I am here ducking and dodging women who maybe showing interest.
But I have this feeling that my being impatient might be dying the chamce of reconciliation taking place at some point.
How many times have you heard this on this site: "This is a marathon, not a sprint." YES, being impatient will lower if not outright kill any chance of reconciliation. Which is another reason why this is about YOU and not HER! If you want to reconcile, then BE PATIENT. Stop pushing. Stop worrying about what she's doing. DETACH.
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But on another note, I do need to move on and focus on myself. And that is difficult with a WW doing her own thing with whoever
Hence, "detach." Why is it hard to focus on you because of something your W is doing? By definition, if you're focused on you, you're not worried about what she's doing.
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And I am here ducking and dodging women who maybe showing interest.
Why are you ducking and dodging? If you're not ready to call it quits, then shut that down. Don't duck and dodge, just flat out tell whoever that you're not ready for that, yet. Don't be passive. Passivity is one of the MNG traits that helped you end up where you are right now.
Look, we all understand what you're feeling and how much it [censored] to be where you are. You'd give ANYTHING to be ANYWHERE other than where you are now. D, R, whatever, just let it end, right? Well, if "stop hurting" is your goal, then "D, R, whatever" isn't going to get you there. Because the truth is that the piece of paper isn't what changes things. Time is.
Take this time that you have. Introspect. Decide what YOU want, and what's best for YOU. Don't rush, don't be in a hurry. It doesn't work, there really aren't any shortcuts, and you'll make things worse for you, and for those around you if you try.
