Dearest Coly, every time I read your thread my heart breaks for you. I see you repeating the same patterns over and over and not learning your lessons from the last time.
Did you ever read Johnathan Livingston Seagull. I may be remembering it all wrong, but I believe the point was that we keep coming back until we have learned the lessons of our lives.
I think for you dear Coly, you will continue to cause yourself pain until you can let go of your expectations. You reach out to him, you have a nice time, and then when he does not behave as you expect him to, you snap at him. He then retorts that this is why he has to stay away and he does until you reach out again. It is such a vicious cycle. If it isn't you pushing him away, then it is your D. It must be pretty difficult for someone in a crisis to constantly experience that.
I don't think you ever give him time to see that you have changed. That you won't have these expectations of him that he can't meet. I know it is unfair that you have to be the one with an open heart who does everything "right" and he gets to be the screwed up one who just takes as much as he wants and walks away. But the thing is that the dynamic will never change until one of you is strong enough to make it. I think that has to be you Coly.
