I am so sorry that she's still living the fantasy life. You've been doing exceptionally well holding it together w/all that has been going on. Your self esteem has taken a huge hit and I want you to know that what comes out of her mouth is only her perception. What I sense when I read your postings is that you are a great guy, your are sensitive and caring and want to do the right things for your family. Your w, on the other hand, is way out in left field and thinks that things will be okay and everyone will live happily ever after once the divorce takes place. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work out that way.
Bottom, line, this is a business deal that has gone "south". I know you are hurting, but you've got to take care of yourself and be the sane parent to your children. Right now, things look murky to you because of the emotions and all of the divorce stuff...but give it some time and allow the dust to settle after the negotiations are finalized and the divorce takes place. There is life after all of this mess and I think, you will discover a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders when the ink dries.
BTW, I don't advocate divorce, but there are times when it needs to happen in order for the fog of despair and confusion to life in order for you to see that everything will be okay...it just takes time.
Sending you positive thoughts.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
