I agree with Sandi's wise advice Blu - she has been there and she knows. I too was there to an extent & I've posted about it here a while ago. EArlier in our M and XH was working away a lot. Friendly with a guy at work and started to feel some attraction towards him. I still loved XH and was pretty surprised to be feeling attracted to another guy - but in hindsight, I had needs that weren't being met and I never said etc. Etc.

The other guy was married and attentive/complimentary. He was in my headspace and I fantasised a little about him. Nothing was ever said and I never saw him outside of work, but our exchanges did stray into mild flirtation and we did have a little contact by email in the evenings and weekends - I hate to say that now...

I recall once XH was away and we had a late meeting. It was a lovely summer evening and I thought he might ask me out for a drink and I thought I might say yes. He didn't and nothing more ever happened. I recall lying in bed with XH and having a fundamental realisation - that I couldn't happily lay my head on the pillow next to him knowing that I would be lying and deceiving him. I realised that I would lose what I loved - our marriage and relationship - if I crossed this line.

I never regretted not taking things any further and crossing that line. Truly I never regretted that - perhaps in some way my inadvertent distance during the period there was another guy on my mind paved the way for XH's subsequent affair? IDK. I'm certainly not proud of what I let happen and I recognise how A's can develop, which has helped my process XH's affair better.

I don't think your decision at this point should be - shall I get involved with this guy or not - I think it should be shall I remain in our marriage or not. Because even if you want to leave your marriage, leaving it by having an affair would be a destructive choice - and you know that already....((((hugs))))

I echo what lovelyp posts too...

Take care Blu and I hope there is something in here that is of help to you xx

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus