How do I get things right?

[Lovelyp]

It's not unforgivable. Thankfully, our Lord is so much more forgiving than many humans prove to be. You have been living with a man who, by his own admission, does not intend to ever forgive your ONS. That is unfortunate for him.

Yes true the Lord forgives. I tried my best. Over the years I tried working on my marriage, bought books, tolerated a lot and endured. I changed a lot about myself. I was living the way he wants and lost myself. I was so afraid of loosing him and deprived myself happiness. I was trying to cover up the pain by looking like I am happy. Posting photos of us together, complementing him and trying so hard to please him. I compforgot about myself. Imagine always being the one to pursue and beg and trying to make the M work. I will leave and just pray for him otherwise NC continues. I am so proud of myself because for the first time in years I am able to spend a day without contacting him. In the past I would struggle and miss him.

Focus on yourself and do what it takes for you to find peace and happiness.

Thanks I am doing exactly that. I feel so much lighter and better. I know with time I will be happy but for now I feel the peace and have certainity about my life. This marriage had many uncertainities. I would be threatened divorce over and over again and all my energy for years was on stopping it and pleading. I would ask for forgiveness and ask for another chance even though I did not do anything wrong.