I don't know if what I would say is right or wrong per DB principals but I am tired of running scared. I don't fear D any more, still don't want it but I am not scared by it. so I guess when I think about the questions that normally would give me that sinking feeling in my stomach part of how I would respond is based on my lack of really caring right now about what happens.
I get being tired of running scared. It takes some time to get your focus off of trying to avoid D as much as possible. I'm pretty indifferent to it now. Stopping the begging, pleading, and obsessing over everything really puts brakes on all of that self victimization and gets you on the path to becoming stronger and better. I think it's one of the best things I've gotten out of DB.
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I feel like I am pretty detached and she no longer stirs the same emotions in me that she used to. I also have lost some respect for her as well and actually am starting to view her as a weak individual. When I think about what she has done to our family and our D's I am viewing her as an ugly person on the inside. Does that make sense?
Makes total sense. Back in the day when I used to read folks talking about how they don't even recognize their WW/WH, I didn't understand it. I totally do now as I have no idea who she is at this point and she's become pretty unattractive. The fallout from the BD, especially how it's affected my kids, does make her really unappealing and gives me no desire to get back with her. I know the kids would want that, but I just have to live with a single parent mindset and give them everything in terms of my love, time, support, and guidance - I know that this part is not going to be a problem for me as I am definitely the more stable parent compared to her.
This is just so much about her than it is about me. I refuse to get burned in her process of figuring out whatever is going on with her.
