It's so important to have outside perspective. As we go through this process, we aren't always thinking clearly, I know. It's interesting to see all 3 different advice and experiences. More pieces to the story to consider from this weekend. I still plan to hold off, since I'm still conflicted.
S & my birthdays were this weekend. Enjoyed spending time with friends and family. It was still bittersweet having all of this positive support, but S not even getting a bday text from H - I definitely never expected one. OW has same bday as S and was busy celebrating her this weekend. Just an extra piece of bullsh!t to add to the pile. Someone he's only known a few months takes priority over S. Disgusting. Anyway, I was going out with friends on Saturday and as I was getting dressed, received text from SIL inviting me over for a BBQ & to watch football. I was surprised. We text periodically but haven't really seen each other but once since BD. Thanked her and told her I had plans. She invited me to come to her the next day to her Sunday job so we could visit & she could give me a gift. Had fun with friends and it was a good night.
Sunday headed to meet with SIL. We spoke for a bit and she asked if H had failed to pay next mortgage. Re-cap, I saw that he was not going to pay, so I ended up paying before it was considered late. It turned out he paid a week later. I explained that to her and that started us talking about the situation. She again said that she's upset with him and family is too. They think it's in such poor taste that he has made his decisions so public with no regard to me, S. She has spoken to FIL about how H was so resentful of their lack of relationship & now how he is doing the same, worse to my S.
We sidetracked to speaking about FIL and his health. I was happy to hear that he has been doing a lot better. He has someone coming in to help take care of him, which is helping with his socialization. She said also that H not being around has helped improve the negative atmosphere for FIL. So there was a new revelation that he is now pretty much living/staying with OW. That stung, but I can't say I'm surprised. Answers the question of why he's stopped coming to the house completely, even when I'm not there. Moving so fast.
As I said, we discussed many things, so that was nice. We talked about how both families are doing. She then told me she had spoken w/ MIL's friend and told her she is so angry at H. This is his choice not hers. She loves me & S and doesn't want to cut us out of her life. MIL's friend spoke of her D experience and how her exH tried doing the same. However, she was still able to maintain a relationship w/ SIL, some 20 years later. Ultimately said if that's what you want, then that's what you do. I appreciated that, but told her I didn't want H to spew on her. She said, I don't care, I'm willing to take that hit. Wow. I was happy and surprised at how firm she was. This made me comfortable enough to ask her opinion on contacting aunts. She absolutely encouraged it. She again said family loves me and isn't supportive of how H has chosen to handle situation.
Own, you were pretty firm on your stance. Does this change that for you at all? I'm all about opinions, because there may be a side I haven't considered.
I don't know that I would maintain contact years from now, but maybe I will. peace, it was encouraging to hear your experience. In a situation we don't have much control of, it's nice to allow ourselves some closure by our own choice.
I go to see L on Thursday to begin going through financials. The list of what I need to bring is daunting. I don't have to feel positive about the meeting, but I at least hope to walk away without crying. Fingers crossed!
M:43 H:44 M:10 T:14 S:26 BD:7/21/17 H files for D:7/31/17 (haven't been served) PA:8/30/17
