still struggling

[25yearsmlc]

Jim,

I know you are getting a lot of 2 x 4's, & IK appreciate your willingness to take it all in.

I feel as if you are processing the input, which is vital to you no matter what happens.

Just a few things I hope will help start an internal awareness or heightened awareness of what your wife is saying.

For a minute, let's put aside any hope of recon or plowing through to divorce.

Just look at something very clear, which your wife wrote out to you:

she sent me a text later that said, in part, "what you did today was present me with an unnecessary, shameful, threatening ultimatum. This behavior is why I left you in the end after years of hoping you would eventually understand the harm and hurt you were causing by giving me ultimatums and threats."

So I would like the community's input.... was it an ultimatum and threat?


Your reaction here was to ask us for definition. Better to ask how you can start communicating in a healthier kinder way.

FTR yeah your words sounded lousy to me. Sorry.

But even if they didn't it's how you sounded to your wife. There is a lot of it going on in your posts. Lots of put downs and contempt.

HOWEVER

she sounded really depressed for a long time. I'm sure that was frustrating for you.

I just don't know if it's the chicken or the egg (her depression and low self esteem from years of belittling control, versus your behavior worsening with hers)

and I'm not sure it matters NOW.

In our marriage vows we say the words "from this day forward." They're brilliant words, imo.

If you can take those words in, and go "from this day forward" with how you treat your wife,

maybe it'll help.