Wife never responded to me about name change, so I text her 2 days before I headed down to FL in September, and she finally said "I guess I'll just keep it the same".
I scheduled to meet up with her while I was down there to go over the divorce paperwork and what she needs to do (I filled out everything, all she needed to do was sign at courthouse (for notorization by deputy clerk) and pay the filling fee's which are $410 (I gave her a check for $205). When we agreed to a time to meet up near a local bbq joint I wanted to go to, I asked if she was going to eat or if we should meet outside, She responded that depends on me, after consideration, I responded that she was probably right and I didn't really want to try and come up with small talk so we agreed to meet somewhere near there.
I picked up my son to hang out earlier in the day I was supposed to meet up with her, we went to the bank so he could add me to his account (I've been sending cash but wanted to be added to his acct so I can just transfer money), and it turned out that because it was a high school acct, the parent that opened the acct had to be there. So my son called W and asked her to come over. I hadn't seen her in 7 months.
I was kind of shocked by her appearance, she was very skinny and tone (she's all into working out now), but she looked 10 years older, had at least one new tattoo that I saw, and personality wise seemed like a whole different person. I realize it was an awkward situation, so that could have seriously altered her personality, but I felt that my W that I knew no longer existed.
Since we were both at the bank, we left my son inside to finish adding me to the acct and I gave her the D paperwork, showed her what needed to be done, gave her the contact info to the courthouse if she had questions; I thanked her for coming to the bank to add me to the acct. and then I went back inside to my son and she left.
I gave her the paperwork over a month ago and she still hasn't filed. I've decided that at this point I'm going to leave it be, I feel divorced, I've mentally divorced her. The only problem is that I'm starting to want to buy a place of my own, I haven't saved enough for a down payment yet so I have time, but I don't want the fact that I'm legally M prevent me from being able to buy some property up here. But i'll deal with that when it comes time.
I text my wife about 2 weeks ago that I'd like to talk, that I was concerned about S not feeling like he has a family life, we decided to talk the next day. I called her, said that making this call was uncomfortable because it was their R but that I wanted to do whatever I could for my S to have a happy home life. She asked me if he said something, and I told her no, that he doesn't seem comfortable talking to me about her but that things he says when he's telling me about his life seem to fit together that he doesn't feel like he has a family life. I mentioned that he had pulled out a credit card (which I knew was hers because I used to be on the acct.) and when I commented on it he said that had it so that he could pay for food when he goes out for dinner (I didn't tell her but he added that she is hardly ever home, never cooks, and he goes out with friends for dinner almost every night).
She immediately went into a 5 minute monologue about how she makes herself available but he seems more interested in hanging out with his friends, etc. etc. etc. After she went into her monologue, I knew that she had already made up her mind she did/does nothing wrong so I just said that if he has the opportunity to spend time as a family and chooses not to, then it's his choice. I know that my son feels no connection to her, I'm guessing it's because she basically abandoned him but haven't asked why he feels that way. He made a few comments this weekend that confirmed that he still feels no connection to her.
So anyway, I'm doing great. I'm living debt free, which allows me the freedom to do what I want, when I want. I frequently travel around the state to meet up with friends for new experiences, I get a lot of friends and family that come to NC to visit me, and I've been having a blast. The biggest issue is that I spend very little time in the town that I live in (it's a bigger city than what I like, so I spend most of my time in smaller towns or the mountains), so I haven't met any "friends" that live near me, other than my HS bff that lives about 30 minutes away. so the weekends that I spend at home can get a bit lonely, but with winter coming up, my thought is that I will stay home more and find some local activities to get involved with.
At this moment, I have no idea what my life will look like once I settle down and build a "home", but I am having a good time before I get to that point.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
