How do I get things right?

[Lovelyp]

Hi LP

After reading your post it reminded me of the loong contracts done by lawyers where to say yes they need 4 paragraphs. In other words I got lost.

Thank you for taking time to read and responding to my "contract". I apologise for writing too much and not making it easy to read. I will keep improving on that. Thanks.

What strikes me as confusing is that you seem to inititate sex but I see no comment or mention about other signs of affection. Is sex the only affectionate way you and your husband bond or communicate? Do you hold hands, kiss, send sexy or romantic texts, etc?

Yes, unfortunately for us sex was the only way he liked. Whenever I tried to inititate other ways like holding hands, kissing or sending romantic texts he would quickly stop me. I think he only kissed me very few times after we married and it was all in the first 3 months then he started avoiding. He also doesnt like ti hug, but flowers or cards. I used to do that then stopped due to lack of reciprocity.He doesnt like to hold hands and always makes excuses. Only did when we were dating.

There are times I wear sexy lingeries and try to look sexy and during those times he would tell me that he is regreting marrying me or remembered things I did or said that hurt him in the past. It has been like that for all years of our marriage except the first year maybe.

I told him that I need us to show more affection. His response is that I value things that are not important. He says Iam so spoilt because I used to get too much attention and have too many marriage needs. The other time he proposed that I can feel free to have someone for physical affection that I want too much.

In some posts your relationship seems like a movie, from soppy "Ghost" to Terminator. Is there a detonator that creates these moods or is it spontaneous explosion.

Lol yes its like that. Sometimes it seems so great and I become hopeful. Then his mood changes. He says he thinks a lot at night and from the time he wakes up things get bad. Inititally he starts to ignore me and go out for walks alone. After a day or sometimes a week of silent treatment h explodes and starts to verbally abuse me. This has been happening for at least 6 years now. He says he has a lot of resentment because I disrespected him. Before the A he would still behave like that and verbally abuse me. Those times I would beg him and pursue him and ask for forgiveness etc.