I'm going to title this entry - de ja vu ....but have I learnt any lessons ...
I will get to the title further along, first an update of my ever evolving crazy head ....is mlc catching ?
I had a really lovely weekend, lots of downtime to really think about where I am going in my life. It's all well and good telling people "if you don't like your life, change it" but then to not take my own advise is so hypocritical of me, so after h contacting me last week and seeing how easy we went back to comfortable chatting with each other, it bothered me emencely that I have learnt no lessons from round 2 and was heading for yet another fall ...... And then realised that because this notion was even in my head meant I have actually learnt a lesson !! Are you still following me lol.
So I spent the weekend getting annoyed with myself that I am an intelligent woman, why can't I figure this out. One thing lead to another and whilst walking on the beach I came to the conclusion that if h is setting me up for something nasty I want to have something to be focusing on, if he is wanting to see if he can once again come back in to my life, I want something other than him to focus on. So today I went to see my boss and told him that I would like to finish work at the end of the season (Easter) as I want to do some travel. He was so happy for me and said absolutely fine, and whilst I will be a huge loss to the team and my reference will have tear stains on it, he is really excited for me, he also added that if I want to return for the following summer season i will always have a job with him. What a lovely thing to say and such a great offer, it means that I have a back up plan if I need it.
So then to the next part of my plans, travel. I have enough saved now in my house fund ( which I realise now is really only a dream and the years I will be living frugally to save for a house is years i am not living me) to go on a trip, so that's what I have started planning. It will keep the focus on me and as soon as have decided a route - currently Melbourne Australia, New York, England/Europe and back in time for s23 wedding end of August- I will buy the tickets and that locks me in to going, no matter what happens I will be going.
H emailed me again today, the last emails we exchanged last week he mentioned going for an interview as he is unhappy at his current place and he asked me to confirm how much he owes me and said not to get excited, he hasn't won the lottery or anything, he has finally paid off his cc from while he was off work and is trying to get his finances straight. I replied to him good luck for the interview, confirmed how much he owes me and congratulated him on the cc and then requested that he does not mention to either s that we have been in contact as after all this time of not talking to each other it will only confuse them and they have been through enough.
Today he emailed me to let me know he got the job and starts in 4 weeks time. He agrees with me on staying quiet to the boys and hopes I had a nice long weekend.
I wished him congratulations on the job, said giving notice must be catching as I have done the same today, only mine is 5 months and yes i had a lovely weekend thank you. I asked him if he had a nice weekend too and said I have heard he is a fitness freak these days and dragged s20 up a hill for 2 hrs, and how that must have been fun ha ha ha. He replied that he is far from a fitness freak, probably the unfittest he has been since he had the time off but hopes to get out more now the evenings are lighter again. He also said " so are you saying you've given 5 months notice ? " to which I replied " yes, it sees them through the season and gives them time to get used to the loss of their superstar ....
So to de ja vu ..... When h contacted me first time around and I was in Uk he used the excuse of s(then)18 update, asked in a round about way if I hate him or is his contact welcome. Then came emails telling me he has changed job, his new contact info should I need to get in touch and chatty chatty I miss this. Bizarrely this is exactly what I am seeing again,update on s20, am I the devil I don't want to hurt you more, and now I have changed jobs, here is what I am doing, how are you, what are you doing, blah blah blah.
Has me on my guard, whats he up to ..... Hmmmmmm.
Well, back to thinking about a good trip to take, I can't believe I just took the first step, but I am very pleased with myself for doing so.
I hope everyone had a good weekend. Love and hugs to you all xoxo
