Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 11, filing for D

[PsySara]

Well that was a disaster. I went to Retrouvaille simply to work on our communication, it's supposed to be especially helpful with those who have trouble expressing and processing their emotions. While I tend to be fairly in touch with my emotions and how to regulate my responses I still felt this would be a good exercise for us both.

The first night was going over how to do something called "dialoging" and I felt it was extremely helpful for WH and I to communicate. Initially WH was eager and participating well. However by mid Saturday it was disintegrating at the speed of light. By Saturday evening he stopped participating and wanted to leave. I went to one of the host couples and told them this had ended in disaster and we were worse than when we came on Friday. They sat down with us and tried to reason (primarily with WH) with us. WH basically grudgingly stayed until Sunday afternoon and completed the outward actions but had stopped truly participating. He's back to saying ILYBIANILWY and feels we would be better off divorced.

I am destroyed anew. A lot of Retrouvialle is for piecing couples and I did not consider us piecing yet. But I wanted to be 100% in on the methods so I allowed attachment again. What a mistake. By the last hour there were other couples talking about the benefits they experienced through the weekend intensive. One couple had a WAH and he said he was deciding to turn back to his marriage and participate 100% in rebuilding it. I sat there breaking down in sobs (quite humiliating for someone who rarely displays emotions in public, nonetheless sobbing) while the other couples appeared to be glowing with mutual love.

My friends, I ask you to withhold the 2x4s as I know my mistakes. I am so emotionally spent I have decided to just do nothing for now. I am as fragile as cracked crystal, the smallest pressure will shatter me. I need time to regroup and just breathe. I don't want to continue the divorce, I don't want to piece, I don't want to do anything but take care of my children and lick my wounds.