I started a new part time job yesterday- driving for an app called Waitr. I've never done ANYTHING like this, and it was actually great fun. I can pick my hours so that's nice. I'm planning to do it from now until the end of the year, just to have some extra $ for the holidays, and get out of the house. The other drivers are so helpful and nice, and between orders we hang out in a local parking area that's central to everything (and about 200 yards from my house, which is NICE!)
Hopefully in January I get the job in the government office, which would be until April/May. But this will be good to do until then. Slowly work myself back into the routine of reporting to work every day.
Haven't heard from H since he missed the anniversary and storm, with the exception of two texts that we exchanged regarding income tax. They were polite and business-like, only a couple of sentences each way.
If nothing changes inside ME, I'm planning to file when my atty visit comes up on Nov. 6. The M is dead, and TBH, I'm not sure I ever even want to move back up north. The more of a life that I build for myself here, the less I miss the old one. I miss having a H, but I'm not even sure I miss HIM any more. Certainly not the "new" H. I don't even LIKE him.
I've cried a lot lately, deep wracking sobs that just come on with no obvious trigger..... but I think that is grief over what I thought my future looked like, rather than sadness at the end of the marriage. The further away from it I get, the more I see how much of myself I lost the last few years. I need to get her back. Life just got too easy, and I got lazy and quit trying to work at it. Not just the M, but life in general. I think that starts to make us old before our time.
So maybe there's a silver lining to the last year. Who knows?
Today, I'm in a good place. And thankful, oh so thankful, so be here.
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
