How do I get things right?

[25yearsmlc]

I feel so much better now when I am alone. I was making so much effort single handedly and the pain and frustration is what ultimately took a toll. I know divorce is wrong (I am christian)

Lovely, I'm Christian. I get it. And I was put in an impossible situation so I filed for D.

You can be heartbroken, but resolute. I think we have to see our faith as a source of strength and not an open sore or tool for punishing ourselves more.

That's a dark part of us that distorts our faith into something ugly & unhealthy instead of the gift it is.


Now I also feel guilty

own that^^, process it and move forward. You cannot let guilt make your choices for you.
It's one thing to say you struggle with a choice, and make the hard one b/c it's right.

It's another thing to let guilt - even when you KNOW it's unreasonable - dictate your choices.

I was a loyal, though flawed, w. And the last few years of our m, the flaws in me were never really let go of, by my h.

I let so much negative feedback into my life that at a subconscious level it came to pollute my thinking and my self esteem.

Been there, done that.



and a part of me wants to help him move on

why is this^^ your job? Can you see that you wanting "to help him move on" won't actually help him, in the long run? Plus it's you not detaching and it's you not backing off.


but with the way he treats me I find it difficult. He wants to talk to me but I really dont want

Lovely, he's abusive to you, and I don't use that word loosely. He makes it darn difficult.

because talking drains me and I really want to avoid feeling depressed by his treatment.

if someone mistreats you & it affects you, then isn't the sane thing to do, get away?


What will it take to repair this marriage? Will we be happy?

Takes 2 to repair a marriage and a ton of work from both, over time. From what I can tell, your h does not believe he needs to do serious work on himself. He's filled with blame and resentment. He looks for reasons to justify doing whatever he wants, while making it all your fault.

If there's a seismic change in him, and if he wants to do what HE needs to do to find his way back to you, then let's cross that bridge then. For now, it's about you realizing the m you had was not healthy for you (or him, tbh).

I've had 2 family members who divorced and later remarried. They found their way back to each other by doing a lot of work on themselves while apart.

I know when they divorced, my aunt did not intend to reconcile with my uncle. But they each got some IC and developed apart as individuals, and she said the 2nd time
around was better.

IMO The way you two have interacted for some time now, is not a path to being happy for either of you.

So sorry to say this^^.