I had a great weekend. Every time I gotnsad thinking about my H I just concentrated on the things I get to do now that he's not here. Like not being accountable to anyone but myself. I can sleep in if I want too. I binge watched part of a tv series this weekend. Stuff he would never go for. I didn't make contact with him all weekend unless he text to ask a question. Today he texts me that I am hiding money because I haven't come to him with a separation agreement or budget. I just told him I was insulted he insinuated that. He is in full blown paranoia at the moment. He thinks I am planning a massive take over since I haven't come to him with any sort of agreement. And I've dropped all contact with him. I am cheery when I am around him because I truly feel cheery right now. So I'm not sure if the paranoia is due to my 180s or if it's a coincidence. I went to switch my company phone to my personal plan and he got angry at me. It's like one hand he's pushing me away and wants this divorce. The other hand is not wanting to let go. So I just continue on with no contact and 180s. It might be too late for me. And I got thinking over the weekend. I should not have constantly been at him. But you know what. Not once has he changed any of his actions. He still has his anger issue and blames everyone else for his lot in life and has offered no remorse in our past relationship. So matter what inthe end it wouldn't have worked out anyways. The behaviours would have been the same had he come back. So that has helped me detach. Everytime I wonder what he is up to in his spare time I just think over and over again. Not my concern. It is none of my business. It's a hard pill to swallow. But I want a partner not a combatant for the rest of my life. Or someone who has seen no wrongdoing in his actions. I will continue to DB and work towards our marriage. And hope that he comes around eventually.
