WAS OR WHAT 10

[roist]

I am a naturally reflective person, but recently I have been reflecting more than I care to about my situation. Maybe I am approaching a crossroads with a decision to make. Idk. Or it could be the fact that I am three years into my journey though my M is in crisis for five years or so.

I am here two and a half years. I have learned a lot. I have made some friends, though many don't post anymore.

Naturally I have compared my situation to others here. Technically that serves at nothing as even two identical situations are different, due to it being two couples different. But still we have all done that.
Since being here I have followed live many different stories:
# some made progress but fell short in saving their m (to date)
# others had real rollercoaster rides going from hopeless to hopeful and back and forth before separating or piecing.
# other people came back to here because after separation the WAS finally contacted to come back.
# many have passed through D.

I think the path I followed was the right one for me. However I cannot help to think about that if we had separated three years ago, I would definitely have gotten over that by now and rebuilt a life for me. Just a thought.

Yet here I am three years later. I don't regret that time nor that choice. But I am not sure how much longer I will want to live in a half-mariage. I have expressed that before, so I guess I am cycling. I don't want an in house separation either, though if certain ground rules were respected that would probably be easier than pretending to be happy living like this.

Bottom line of a long ramble is this isn't how i want to live. I had a W free weekend last weekend and in many ways that was better than when she is here. I don't want to separate but honestly i don't find the thought of it upsetting and I can see the appeal.

I use this forum to express my WAS thinking so I can let it out, so I can concentrate on other stuff.

Thanks for reading.

Best wishes