So interesting this topic of conflict avoidance. I had lunch with my parents today and had a chat with my mother not specifically about this topic, but about a situation (not d related) that's been going on which required strong limit setting and laying out firm boundaries.
She asked me if my job taught me that and I said no - this divorce is what taught me to stand up for myself, set and maintain firm boundaries and not avoid conflict.
I'm far from perfect at it, and I will say I don't go looking for conflict but if something comes up now, I will set firm boundaries and limits. I'm thinking of this as the silver lining to the divorce.
I told my mom a couple of incidents with exh which happened when we were at the stage you're at Gordie, and how those incidents really taught me to stand up for myself in a healthy way, firm, direct, no-nonsense. I give those I love and care about a long, long leash but there is a firm line and once it's crossed, that's it. I'm grateful that I've learned how to do that. I'm a better and happier person for it. Tough way to learn the lessons, but grateful for them.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
